oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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