Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
