Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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