Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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