hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
She announced her abortion via fbk
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
