Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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