Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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