we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
