Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
