On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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