her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
