Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
