U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
