So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize