Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
