we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
