Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
