We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
