What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
