I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
