when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
