just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
