What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He passed out mid-signature
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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