One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
