pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
