flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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