As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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