TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
