he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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