When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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