i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Oh god it's open bar.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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