"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
