Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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