How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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