i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
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