is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
