we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
