Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize