wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I love you. Go after that dick
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
