I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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