It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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