i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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