i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
