so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
