I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize