So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
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