if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
