Where are you?
In a non slutty way
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
