Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
