so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
