i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
