cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
