dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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