i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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