Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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