Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
