Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
this beer tastes like vomit already
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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