I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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