I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
