There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
