So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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