just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
