My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
3pm strippers are depressing
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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