Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize