he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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