Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
