I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
