Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
