operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
