I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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