Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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