Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
