With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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