i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
