i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You took a bar mat shot.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
