The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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