he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just found puke in my bra..
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
