benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
