How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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