John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
