Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
