you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
