I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
