If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
