dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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