All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
