Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
