Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
