Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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