It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
