you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
