My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
