Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
