this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
