I have demons in me.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
