I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
