Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
