My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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