??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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