8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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