You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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