She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
