You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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