I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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