I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize