I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
