my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
