apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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