i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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