guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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