Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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