Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
