the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
