my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I can't turn off my feet"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
