do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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