dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
