I got chris browned last night
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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