When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
