the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
