suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
