u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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