if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
